Present vs Future

     It's crazy to think that two weeks have gone and that there are only three weeks left in Peru--two here in Piura and one in Cusco climbing Machu Picchu. Time really has been flying here; all the while it seems like it's been paused back home. Our days here are so packed that it makes it difficult to connect with the people who are important to us back home. But then again, we're here for five weeks. Five weeks where we have the gift to truly live in the moment and just learn from the situations we find ourselves in and from the people we encounter. We're constantly told to be present but it's without a doubt difficult to do, especially when we have meetings, work, rent due, homework assignments, and exams to study for. I found myself on the phone with my dad one night talking about when I would need to move back to Milwaukee so I could work before school started and was trying to make definitive plans about where I would work upon graduation and what I wanted my five year plan to look like, when he cut me off and said there was plenty of time to set a schedule for the rest of my life when I get back.
     I've always thought that if you don't think about the future, you'll find yourself lost when it's time to make heavy decisions. But here, I've realized that if I'm too busy thinking about the future and the rest of my life, I'll forget to live while I can. Life will pass me by and I won't have accomplished any of my plans because I didn't put the time in now, in the present, to truly live and create a life worth having and living.
     Working in the Pro Vida clinic, we come across many women who express that they didn't plan on having a baby at this time in their life. Cecilia, the woman who runs the free clinic, is often found telling these women that a baby doesn't stop a mother from living, it just makes her think about another human life she needs to be a better person for. Being a mother or a father makes you want to make the world a better place because you want to make your child's generation better than yours. After hearing all of this a few times, I thought about how lucky I am that my parents didn't second guess anything about my siblings and I. They worked through the tough times and they made things work because they were grateful for the lives they were given to take care of and raise.
     The other day, a woman came into the clinic unsure of if she was pregnant with her first son holding onto her legs, afraid to let go. I was doing an ultrasound on her when she looked at me and asked if she was with child. I looked at the screen, and there it was, a six week old baby. I let her know that she was pregnant and she looked at the screen, tears running down her face, just as her baby jumped up as if it were saying hello to his momma. When I saw this happen, I thought about my mom, and how she must have felt when she discovered she was having another baby. Was she scared? Excited? I thought about how although she was pregnant with me for nine months, her life wasn't put on pause. It kept going. She kept living. She continued working until she couldn't. She took care of me before she knew what I looked like. She protected me in a way only mothers can. And now more than 21 years later, she's still doing that. I haven't talked to her much since I've been here, but when I do, I've sensed her becoming one of my friends as well as continuing to be my mom. I'm not sure if that quite makes sense but I look at all of the mothers in Piura and how involved they are in taking care of their children and how they are still living life. My mom wasn't always a mom, she was a person before that. All of our moms were. And it's easy to forget that they didn't stop being normal people when they became moms. I can't believe it took me going to another country without her to realize that she has friends and thoughts and hobbies that don't revolve around her husband and three kids. There's more to her than that and I think that's amazing.
     With this in mind, I know that life back home doesn't have to be put on pause while I'm here. There's enough time to make time for the people that are important. Shooting a simple text letting people know they've been on my mind or that I miss them. I think it's important to let people know when we're thinking of them because we don't say it enough. The ten of us here have found ourselves saying that's what makes Peruvians so special. They take the time out to make genuine conversation and let their loved ones know how they feel about them. That's something I want to bring back to the States with me--being intentional with the conversations I have. I had doubts about whether I would learn or grow here but clearly I have.